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Writer's pictureCraig Grant

The Waiting is the Hardest Part.

6/25/18



So while we wait, somewhat anxiously, for our next doctor appointment, you try and keep at bay the feelings that maybe you left the last doctor's office with. Shower and purge and repeat. Stay positive, and look forward to what you hope will be help in a bottle, or at least help in a vial, syringe, bolus, man-made/nature-made concoction, some sort of elixir that will find it's way into Abby's system and Do the Right Thing. We feel IT'S out there- we just need to find it. But I guess that's the key to a lot of illnesses- finding the right thing- the thing that works for you, that helps you. That's why it's so damn hard I guess, this Cancer thing, this beastly, ghastly, horrific ever-changing troll of a monster. Tracking it, finding it, cornering it, killing it ideally, but if not, subduing it and keeping it restrained. And I'm not a hunter- never ever, but I'd be willing to eradicate this species, no moral quandary here, killing a natural born killer that never shows mercy to anyone or anything.


You might sense a general note of anger and frustration in the last 'graph. Guilty as charged. I've tried to be "Mr. Brightside", which just happens to be playing in the background now. But I'm not going all Darth Vader on you to the Darkside, though I wouldn't mind being Liam Neeson for a day, kicking ass and not taking names. Spinning 360s and knocking over conveniently place barrels of gas at a Cancer construction site then blowing it all to bits with one shot. Let me shrinky-dink Mr. Neeson and inject him into Abby's G-tube, then use his particular set of skills fine-tuned to search and destroy the bad guy "cells". It's funny that "cells" has that double meaning when it also relates to terrorist groups. Wondering how that came to be, I grabbed this explanation from the 'Net:

"Among the first revolutionaries to organize conspiracies into secret cells was Louis Auguste Blanqui, a socialist of the Napoleonic and post-Napoleonic era. The basic principle behind cell organization is simple: By dividing the greater organization into many multiperson groups and compartmentalizing information inside each cell as needed, the greater organization is more likely to survive if one of its components is compromised."


Well now that we've all had our history lesson for the day, and I've ranted some Rage Against the Machine away, I want to say we are still hopeful, with a couple of new docs to see, and more treatments and options to hopefully explore. And I feel good that it's been at least 6 months since I've flipped off any of the many deserving drivers I've encountered in traffic who have: cut me off (I get to practice my reaction times so thank you); taken right hand turns from the left lane (guess they don't know the term "T-boning" yet); used a rotary as a slingshot (results may vary); drifted aimlessly from texting (DAFT?); thrown bouncing, exploding cigarette butts out their window or other refuse (total pigs, though I don't mean to insult pigs); flown by me with a sackful of kids bouncing around with no seat belts (parent of the year award please come pick it up); tailgated me then fall back 50 yards only to tailgate me again then fall back 50 yards (it's really a fun Masshole game- you just don't understand the rules yet); and finally, stopped to talk someone in the middle of a narrow street and block traffic as opposed to pulling over (you are very important, or maybe just impotent) and still do not move despite a polite honk (though thanks so much for the dirty look you gave me- it touched my heart).


So I say "thank you" to the drivers of, and en MASS., to all the misinformed, the disenfranchised, the distracted, the ignorant, the tired, the hungry bring me your poor Masses, and the "Tommy" drivers as I will call them (blind deaf and dumb- I know- not PC but it's my new term and I just made it up). You keep me on my toes and laughing at your hilarity and ridiculousness, so I thank you. I will keep my energy focused on better things, on a world where Cancer, is Taken, by Liam Neeson no less. And he kicks the shit out of it.


And thank you all again, for everything you do and have done for us.

Much love- Abby, Craig, Ben and Aliza



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