Destination Unknown

9/11/18

It's been almost 3 weeks since Abby passed. A very long, strange, painful, emotional journey for me, Ben and Aliza, and of course the rest of our immediate family. Many of our closest friends have suffered enormously as well- they've done an amazing job at propping me/us up for the last 13 months, and I realize that they need support too, and I haven't been able to reciprocate. For that, I apologize. Not that I did anything wrong mind you, but I just want to acknowledge their pain because it's just as real as mine.

This past Sunday's "Celebration of Life" turnout was amazing, with people coming in from far and wide to make the celebration truly amazing. I/we can't tell you how much the support means to us; to see everyone telling stories, meeting and greeting each other, smiling, and shedding some tears too. There were people there I hadn't seen in 10, (20?) years- a true testament to Abby's life and hopefully their tolerance for me. OK- maybe they like me too, but we know who the connector was in the family.

I wish I could thank everyone personally who came Sunday, and who have helped us these past 13 months- emotionally, physically, financially. From the GoFundMe account/fundraisers that allowed me to leave my job so I could stay home with Abby and care for her, to the gift cards, restaurant and shopping cards, flowers, tissues and paper towels (who knew they could be so damn expensive?), food, lawn mowing, financial counseling, cleaning help (on many occasions), and dragging my ass out of the house to "forget" occasionally. Speaking of which, I also want to thank Mission on the Bay for hosting not one, not two, but three events for us. Their kindness far surpassed what one might expect, and it has felt like a safe haven for me/us since they've opened, but especially during this past year, where I was always treated with dignity, caring smiles and hugs. And when Ben worked as a bar-back, and Aliza as hostess/server, they were treated well too (at least by staff- customers- you know who you are- chill out next time you go out to eat and drink, will 'ya?) Did my kids bust their asses working there? Yes, but they were made to feel like family, and welcomed as such.

There's no way I could've gotten through this without all of you- my sanity would've been out the window the first week, especially when I think back to that specific time of horror and chaos. I am lucky that I have never had to go to war in my life, but I feel like I now know better of what it must be like, maybe just a tiny bit. And it's not pretty, and it's not easy, and it doesn't feel heroic, especially when you lose the battle. But Abby would've loved her "Celebration of Life", and I know she was there, watching, hopefully smiling, sipping a glass of Sancerre, seeing all her friends mingling, shouting down at me to help people make connections as only she could command.

On a very different but related note, I know some of you have heard "tales" about our house; that we have had a spirit here since day one. I'm only going "public" here because it's relevant, and not because many of you may think that yes, Craig has finally lost his mind, poor thing. I've always been open to such things, with one eye maybe slightly skeptically askew. But between two psychics who have visited here, the weird things that have happened over the past 24 years (mischievous, never malevolent), and the fact that people who lived in our house back in the 60s (but now live in California) who we had never met, asked if they could visit with us to tell us about the house. They were here seeing other people, but they did indeed visit with us, now more than once, and the tales they told about the spirit, the things that happened when they lived here, were truly bizarre and somewhat unsettling, though somehow not "scary" to us. I think because we have always truly loved our house; an 1894 fixer-upper, with un-level floors, quirky squeaks, an occasional non-plumb corner, some too old windows- you get the picture. Abby was always what I'd call, "sensitive" to things. She had feelings she'd get about things- psychic energy- I don't know what you want to call it. Sometimes, I have as well. So why am telling you this? Trying to convert you unbelievers? Nah- everyone should believe what they want to, or don't want to. I'm telling you this because I whispered to Abby on more more than occasion, towards the end, through tears, that she had to come back and let me know she's OK. Send me a sign somehow (I may have asked for a winning lottery ticket but I don't think it works that way). And I will tell she has been back. At least once for sure; but I think a few times now, honestly. "Wishful thinking" some might say? I'm pragmatic, so sure- maybe, whatever you say. But I know my wife. And I know our house. And now I know she's ok. And I thought a lot of you might want to know that too. Don't get me wrong- it still sucks- boy does it suck. But maybe it sucks just a tiny bit less, so honey, don't be a stranger. As the wise sages The Beverly Hillbillies once said, "Y'all come back now, y'hear?"

Finally, I'm not sure where I'll go with my blog. I might keep it going if there's enough stuff still to be said, to help keep me going forward, and to keep Abby's memory alive. We'll see. In the meantime, please take a look at this link below and read what Doug Banks, the Executive Editor of the Boston Business Journal, wrote about Abby (it's down towards the bottom of the article). She was two-time BBJ staffer in her life, and it was one of her favorite places to work. Thanks Doug.

https://www.bizjournals.com/boston/news/2018/08/28/five-things-you-need-to-know-today-and-remembering.html